Absolute Faith or Nothing

It’s a story. It’s a true story. It’s my story.

Things happen to you for a reason but there are a lot of things that happen which are beyond your understanding. Well! their might be a reason, you just don’t know it yet.

One such situation was, when I had to let go off my first baby.  I had to endure 18 hrs of labour pain to abort my first baby. I don’t even know whether I can call her ‘baby’. Science informed us that she had life threatening genetic disorder and would not be able to survive for long and even if she does, life will not be bed of roses for her. We were not wanting to bring a troubled soul in this world, who will only be here to struggle and in this case struggle would be much harder as she would be fighting to live, which comes naturally to all of us.  So, keeping her future in mind we took a very heart breaking decision of let her go.

The night was toughest in my life. Physically and mentally, somewhere I was convinced, I have done the right thing so my conscience was clear. I was pained and troubled but not tormented.

I came back home after a day to witness that my mother had packed all the gods and kept them in the suitcase. She was angry with all of them for putting me through this ordeal. I have always loved kids. As a kid, I have loved kids. She was aware of my fondness for children and she was totally devastated by what had happened to me. She had cried for long and was very upset with all of her gods. To the extent, that she moved all of them out of the pooja room and packed them in the suitcase. The suitcase was angrily kept in the loft.

I found the situation very amusing. I had gone through hell in the past 48 hrs but I still couldn’t stop laughing. I tried explaining, reasoning out with her but she was adamant to keep them away in the loft.

I tried explaining to her, when you believe or have faith. That faith has to be unconditional. That faith has to be absolute. You have to totally surrender to who so ever you believe in only then you will understand the greatness of the god. You can’t say, if things work out in my favour, I believe in you and if they don’t work out, then I don’t. What she presumed to be a punishment,  I believed it to be a blessing. Had my child be born and not survived, chances of which were very high, we would have gone through worse time then we were going through. So it was, the greatness of the god that saved me from extreme tortures times. She objected to my reasoning and said, things could have been normal like it happens with everybody. Yes, it could have been. And it could have been worse. It’s the way you want to think and look at life.

Everybody has to live their own life, we have our own shares of up and down and we have to walk the path alone. We are lucky to have our family and friends standing next to us but at the end we have to walk alone. That night, on the bed side sat my sister, holding my hand but the pain I had to bear. There is no escape from it. So, learn to embrace and appreciate life with all its flaws. Even with all its flaws, life is beautiful and worth living!

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